i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I understand Curling. That high.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
