I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
