I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
