I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Small penises have feelings too.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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