allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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