you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize