and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
