I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Randomize
