I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
