I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
