We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
