he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
