Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
jump out the window naked night went bad
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