doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
This baby is an asshole
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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