so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
