Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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