Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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