dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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