day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
