I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize