pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
