I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
