idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
