Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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