your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize