i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize