So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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