Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize