you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
