At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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