She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
