I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
