whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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