I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize