She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
