i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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