What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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