Where did you get a picture of my penis
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
