Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
