u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
