I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
