Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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