you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
