We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
