you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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