just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just invented taco cereal.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
