I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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