i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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