There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
