i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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