there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
