At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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