YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
