i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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