i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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