She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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