I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
