Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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