you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Shame is for Republicans.
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