Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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