I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize