I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He did a backflip because drugs
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