Just fell off a train. Bad.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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