HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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