Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
