Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
