If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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