Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
